italisizy:
Hows your HD education coming?

Sir Turley:
its coming alright
apparently you have to replace their lamps every 3,000 - 10,000 hours of use

italisizy:
Yep, so they're not a 'leave it on all day on Fox-News' kind of device.

Sir Turley:
I feel like I have to do the math on how long each TV lamp will last

italisizy:
I've thought about that. But then I remembered my current TV viewing habits are in no way indicative of the viewing habits of humans.
For example, today I watched "The Unit," "Bones," two "Simpsons," a "Drew Carey Show," "Freddie," the last ten minutes of last night's LOST (again), "The Office," two "My Name is Earl"s,"Medium," a "Just Shoot Me," a "Daily Show" and a "Colbert Report," NBC World News Tonight, the car chase from last night's "Heist," and that's just so far.
Oh, and "Out of Practice."
So that's only, what, eight and a half hours or so? Minus commercials, that's only like, seven.

Sir Turley:
so you are probably going through a little over 1 per year

May I submit, for you approval, the IM review of "The Evidence" (you know what? I'm not going to tell you when it's on. Or on what network. It sucks. There's the short review for you.) by mister M.Turley

Sir Turley:
The Evidence
thats the topic
you watch it?

italisizy: 
I watched the first thirty five seconds of "The Evidence."
And I was already super bored.
So I watched "Heist" instead.
And man, I gotta tell you, it was  a  million percent worth it.
What did you think?

Sir Turley:
Heist was good then?

italisizy:
Quite.

Sir Turley: 
Alright, first of all, someone needs to tell ABC its too late.  They had NYPD Blue, it lapsed, they didn't replace it with quality
They need to develop a new one that good, not just throw them at the wall and hope one sticks

italisizy:
Ouch.
So  I'm going to guess that the flaw was the fact that the 'evidence' you get presented with is useless without context, therefore the gimmic of the show is pointless?

Sir Turley:   
Oh don't get me started on the 'evidence'

italisizy: 
Oh?

Sir Turley:   
the evidence comes up throughout the show
the last piece of evidence that is collected, has nothing to do with the original crime
that last piece is a severed finger, collected at about minute   , it was sliced off Orlando Jones
by the perp
but its not evidence to the crime of "who killed ____"

italisizy:
You are correct, sir.

Sir Turley: 
its evidence to the crime of "who cut off Orlando's finger"
and they present the evidence on a grided background, where all the evidence is photographed
the finger was cut off in the middle of the street
Are they telling me that rather than rush the cop and his finger to the hospitial, Orlando went to the hospital and the finger made a trip to the evidence room?
Bullshit I tell you
B*U*L*L*S*H*I*T

italisizy:
And you would be correct.

Sir Turley:
oh Im not done with this show yet

italisizy:    
Wow.

Continue reading "New TV: The Evidence" »

The Loop (Thursday, 7,30, FOX)
Just when I had given up on the spring premiere season (and who wouldn't've, after dogs like "The New Adventures of Old Christine" and "Free Ride?") I found "The Loop." Sam works at an airline. He's their youngest executive ever. His boss is crazy. There's a female VP who's hot for his bod. He's got a thing for his roommate, Piper, and his brother's a hilarious idiot. All these things don't sound particularly inventive, sure, but they're packaged well and at a pretty good clip. It was... refreshing. And interesting. And you should watch it. Very much. And besides, what else is on at 7,30 on Thursday? "Four Kings?" Gimme a break.

The Loop (Thursday, 7,30, FOX)
Pilot Grade: A+
Preliminary Series Grade: A.

//

Sons and Daughters (Tuesday, 8,00 & 8,30, ABC)
Re-Review
I panned the pilot of "Sons and Daughters" and I 100% stand by that. It was terrible. It was the worst thing I've seen on TV this season that wasn't "The Ghost Whisperer" (and might I remind you, I never actually watched "The Night Stalker"). Having said that, the subsequent episodes have been better. It's a comedy that's doesn't forget that it's about people, not characters and not placeholders that jokes happen to. So that I appreciate. And they seem to have hit their stride. It's not quite a recommend yet, and it's hit and miss and definately, definately not laugh-a-minute, but if you've got the time or the tivo space I welcome your opinions.

Sons and Daughters (Tuesday, 8,00 & 8,30, ABC)
Overall Grade for Episodes 2-4: B-.
Preliminary Show Grade: C.

//

The New Adventures of Old Christine (Monday, 8,30, CBS)
I really, really want to pan "The New Adventures of Old Christine." Really, really, really want to pan it. And if the show were only Julia Louis Dreyfuss, I totally would. The thing is, the rest of the cast--and particularly the other private-school-moms--are pretty funny. And the show's reasonably well written. But, as Matt and I determined the other night, in analogy form, Julia Louis Dreyfus' facial expressions in tNAoOC are to acting as Elaine Benes' Little Kicks are to dancing. And I'm not even kidding. Damn hell ass crap, woman. Get you shit together. You're keeping a B/B- show in the dustbin of C-/D territory.

tNAoOC (Monday, 8,30, CBS)
Pilot Grade for first 25 minutes: D-.
Pilot Grade for last five minutes: C+.
Preliminary Show Grade: C-.
Preliminary Julia Louis Dreyfus grade: F-.

//

Courting Alex (Wednesday, 7,30, CBS)
I wanted to come back to "Courting Alex" for a moment because Alex's assistant, the tine red-head is awesome. And you should watch the show for her, and her 5 foot nothing interaction with 5 foot 11 + heels Jenna Elfman. Who's a scientologist, by the way. On second thought, don't watch. And Dabney Coleman sucks too.

Coutring Alex (Wednesday, 7,30, CBS)
Show Grade: D.
Watch "Freddie" instead.

//

Freddie (Wednesday, 7,30, ABC)
"Freddie" is funny and it's getting funnier. Seriously. I am just as surprised as you are, but I thought you guys should know. Brian Austin Greene remains consistently hilarious and Freddie Prinze Jr. is getting there. Just saying.

Freddie (Wednesday, 7,30, ABC)
Show Grade: C+.

//

Free Ride (Sunday, 8,30, FOX)
This is what they put American Dad on hiatus for? Fuck that noise. This show is terrible. Take it off and replace it with anything else. It was worse than the premiere of "Sons and Daughters." I am not even kidding. I would smother this show if given the opportunity. Some of the bits had potential, but were utterly ruined by the 'red neck' best friend. Fuck it. I quit.

Free Ride (Sunday, 8,30, FOX)
Preliminary Show Grade: F-----.

//

The Unit (Tuesday, 8,00, CBS)
Has anyone else notices that the non-CSI: Original and CSI: Miami dramas on CBS look like CBS is seeping about 10% of the color off of it? CSI: NY, Numbers, Criminal Minds, The Ghost Whisperer, NCIS, and now "The Unit." What gives with that? It's starting to piss me off. Anyway, I'm deducting half a letter-grade for that alone, here. I'm just saying.
I'll start by saying this: Scott Foley and Dennis Haybert are two of my favorite people. I will continue by saying this: there were no plot twists in the first episode. So what happened was this: Plane gets hijacked. D.Hays and company are called in. They make a plan and wait for the rest of their team to show up. They carry out the plan. Every one is happy. Sure, the plan was neat and all, but damn. Problem, Plan, Perfect Execution of Plan, Credits. Oh, and D.Hays' character might have some sort of PTSD. But I don't particularly care.

The Unit (Tuesday, 8,00, CBS)
Pilot Grade: C.
Preliminary Show Grade: D.

//

Conviction (Friday, 8,00, NBC)
Dick Wolf's new drama is about--shock of shocks!--the justice system. It focuses on the lives of the lawyers and when are they going to give up on trying to make me think Eric Balfour is hot? He is not. He is kind of weasel-faced, which actually kind of suits his character. The cast is a little large, and as much as I like J.August Richards, they need to either do something with his character or drop him. All that said, the reason to watch the show is the oh-so-dreamy junior ADA played by Julianne Nicholson. I mean, check out that IMDB photo if you don't believe me. And her character is cutely fumbling and figuring out her job. So that rocks. Also, if you are a girl, you'll like Jordan Bridges' Nick Potter. Now he's dreamy. And he left his job at a big law firm to do the right thing and prosecute bad guys. And so forth. So, check it out. Or don't. Whatever.

Conviction (Friday, 8,00, NBC)
Pilot Grade: B+.
Second Episode Grade: C+.
Preliminary Show Grade: B.

//

Scrubs (Tuesday, 8,00, NBC)
"Scrubs" is not very good this season. I am sorry. It's gotten too wacky. You can buy seasons one and two on DVD and season three comes out May 9. Watch those instead.

Scrubs (Tuesday, 8,00, NBC)
Show Grade, Seasons 1-4: A
Show Grade, Season 5: C.

//

Coming in the next few weeks: "Teachers" and "Heist" to NBC and "American Inventor" and "The Evidence" to ABC. Also, Alias returns for it's final go-round.

My currently-active-in-hockey sworn enemy, Ville Neimenenen, (not to be confused with my all-time-hockey sworn enemy, Claude Lemieux) just got traded from the Rangers, a team I was perfectly fine with hating, to the Sharks, my favorite team.

Dear Sharks,
I'm sorry you went and did that. Now I have to demote you from my #1 favorite team to 36th place. That's right, you're now behind some fictional teams. On a side note, send a note of congratualtions, would you, to the New Jersey Devils, as they've been re-bumped up to #1, you bunch of fucking ass hole pricks. Please trade Patty Marleau now so I can continue to like him.
Thanks,
Me

Fucking dirty bitch ass Ville Niemenen. I hate my life.

italisizy: I hope "Sons and Daughters" wasn't supposed to be funny.

Sir Turley: ouch

italisizy: I've watched 35 minutes of the hour long premiere and it's had fewer laughs than your average CSI.
I laughed, literally, once.
And I'm sure most people wouldn't find funny the line I laughed at.
"Do you think it's unusual to master the harmonica and not tell anyone?"

Sir Turley: thats a good question

italisizy: I agree, even though I'm pretty sure that the answer is 'yes.'
Particularly because mastering the harmonica is kind of wierd in the first place.

Sir Turley: more or less than unicycle?

italisizy: More.
At least the unicycle has novelty value.
But for an adult to pick up the harmonica out of nowhere?
That's wierd.
Now I will go and subject myself to "The Unit."

Pilot Grade: F-.
Preliminary Show Grade: F.

As you may well know, TV's Craig Ferguson, host of CBS' "Late Late Show" invites viewers to email him. So, I did. About a month and a half ago. And on Friday night's show, he read my email. What follows is a transcript:

"From Richard in Bur-NEE, [which I spelled phonetically in the email] in Texas. Richard says: 'Craig,' Richard. 'Do you button and then zipper your pants or zipper and then button?' Richard, um, or may I call you Dick? I, uh, y'know, I switch it up, sometimes zipper, sometimes button, I... can't live my your rules, man."

Now, I have several things to say about this: Yes, I did, infact, steal the question from "Optimal Stubble." So, a tip of the hat there. Also: who imagined it would take a month and a half? I figured I had done everything right; the question was a) succinct, b) an actual question, and c) involved Craig's pants. But a month and a half?

If it somehow gets posted to youtube or somewhere similar, I will post a link.

Matt's always accusing me of doling out posts (and comments, in particular) that feel "like homework," so I figured I might try and actually assign some homework. I really do need your help, though.

Since I started writing again three says ago, I've developed for story-beginnings. Now, it's been so long since someone ripped me a new one in a workshop that I'm no longer scared of sharing things with people and I thought, perhaps, you guys might like to see something a) fresh-off-the-presses and b) completely, totally both unpolished and, for the most part, without direction.

However! I think some of you might like some of them and I think you should take the time to read them (none of them are more than a page and a half and two are less than a half a page) and then answer the two simple polls below: which one did you like most? Which do you think I should continue?

Even if you've got no comments (though comments, below, are absolutely always welcome) a simple vote as to which one you, subjectively found most interesting / worthy of your time would do me a world of good. So, help me. And, maybe, have fun reading a little while you're at it.

Some of some stories--alright, you got me, it's just one of them--might be a little NSFW, if your workplace is uptight about the term 'vibrator.' Just as fair warning. But as I just typed it there, you ought to be alright.

Read story one: Journalist / Nashville
Read story two: AuburnHair / Reading
Read story three: Not a Bad Person / Icebox
Read story four: Grocery Store

Vote in poll about which you liked most.
Vote in poll about which you'd like to see me continue.

If nothing else, you can think to yourself that, at this stage, you could've written this crap. And it's true, at this stage, you probably could have. But help me out anyway.