Sir Turley: I'm watching Nightstalker

italisizy: How is it?

Sir Turley: Fucking awful

italisizy: You wanna do a review of it for me?

Sir Turley: I suppose I could. I don't even know how to describe how disappointing it is, and I thought it would suck

italisizy: I saw the opening ten seconds before I switched it off: "I drive at night; the police radio is my compass." And I was like: that's enough of that. I'll suffer through this later.

Sir Turley: I don't know how this is a show

italisizy: Because it used to be a show. And Hollywood is out of ideas.

Sir Turley: With "Prison Break" I wonder how they could possibly have a season number 2, so far with Nightstalker I am confused as to how they could have an episode three

italisizy: Ouch. What is so horrible about it?

Sir Turley: have you seen the premise?

italisizy: He's a guy who goes around trying to report on / right supernatural wrongs?

Sir Turley: Pretty much. He is doing it because his wife was killed by something or other. So, I guess it is going to end up being him doing the Mulder thing and try and find out what happened in hopes of revealing a truth about his past tragic events

italisizy: Hm. It's been done. And is currently being done on the WB's "Supernatural" but in a different way.

Sir Turley: and probably in a way that makes you want to watch

italisizy: More so, yeah. Because the same thing happened to the guy's mother as well as his girlfriend. And there's interplay between him and his brother about that, too.

Sir Turley: there is a scene where he gets arrested that was kinda (kinda should read very) dumb

italisizy: So what would you give it? D? F? F-?

Sir Turley: I dont know what I will give it yet, but I have thought of a few problems with the show. 1) The characters aren't likeable, 2) The beginning and end of the show have voiceovers. Which would be fine, but they have added key words to the display. So you will see him looking up at something and he will be talking, and the key word of whatever he is saying will fade onto the screen and then fade off.
Sir Turley: 3) He is new to this newspaper and he is going to be the junior crime reporter, so the woman who is the senior reporter is all territorial. Only she doesn't really do any reporting. She just does what the maincharacter suggests and then asks him questions like "how did you know what would happen?" Then she--I looked away from the screen but I assume--a)googles or b)lexus-nexuses his name, finds out he was a suspect in his wifes death. She then calls the lead detective who asks why she cares. Next thing you know he is getting arrested.
Sir Turley: at this point I simply stopped caring.
Sir Turley: but along the way--oh, here is the thing--the woman who was dragged off into the desert is pregnant and has the fetus ripped from her body. The police decide Coyotes are the culprit
Sir Turley: I grow discouraged.
Sir Turley: so, 5), the show also asks the watcher to believe it is all a vast conspiracy.
Sir Turley: so I dont know. D?
Sir Turley: I mean, they put it in like the second worst prime time spot they could have

italisizy: D should be reserved for shows that seem like they deserve and F, but you, inexplicably, want to watch for some stupid reason (Just Legal) or shows that would be basically alright if it didn't seem it was made entirely by people who ride the short bus (My Name is Earl).
italisizy: It sounds like you've got a good old fashioned horrible show on your hands, a la this seasons only previous F, The Ghost Whisperer.

Sir Turley: how bad was GW?

italisizy: Bad. Bad, bad. I almost gave it an F-, but thought that would be too theatrical.

Sir Turley: I could have given Stalker an F but I feel like someone could like it, meaning they would try it again.

italisizy: But would that person be wrong to like it?

Sir Turley: Oh I believe so

italisizy: Then it gets an F. An F says "You are wrong to like this show."

Sir Turley: I mean, I can see someone watching it a second time if they had a couple Tivos, but if you only had one, you are watching CSI live and taping Apprentice.

---

There you have it folks: we watch terrible TV so you don't have to, unless you've got the hardware to not miss better TV while you do it.

I know I promised your Commander in Chief earlier in the week. I'm sorry. I've been trapped under twin piles of "Actually getting work done" and "Not knowing exactly what to say about it."

I've just today found two good reviews, the first (as usual) is from Slate's Dana Stevens. It's subtitled "ABC's Commander in Chief is cheesy good fun." She's right. The other review is @ Cinemocracy, and is a complilation of the ubiquitous comparisons to "The West Wing," most of which are 100% accurate.
I agree with Stevens except that I don't like the show quite as much as she does. It's too cheesy for me, esp. given the promo for next week's episode: The daughter's diary gets stolen and "Whatever's in that diary, we don't want it exposed!" Oh no! What a true politcal crisis!

It's exactly what the creators and prereviews promised: a family drama set in the Whitehouse.
Matt's response: "So it's about politics in the same way that 'Friends' was about a chef?"
Me: "More or less. More like how 'Frasier' was about a psychiatrist. But, yeah."

I give it a C.

Went to see "The Baxter" today, and I'll tell you what: if you go in wanting to watch a movie Michael Showalter wrote, directed and starred in for people who think Michael Showalter is funny, it's absolutely fucking hilarious.

The premise is that the "baxter" is the basically nice, safe guy who's horribly wrong for the woman he's engaged to: the pretty girl the romantic comedy is about. He's the guy that gets left at the altar in that scene ripped off of "The Graduate" at the end of the movie. Showalter's character is well aware of this, and relates several other related Baxterism-related incidents from his life. The film focuses on one of these incidents and is well plotted, strange, funny, has an interesting chronology and is funny.

If you've seen Stella, you'll be familiar with some of the jokes, but in no way does this movie commit to the forceful randomness of Stella, which I appreciated. Some of my favorite Michael Showalter jokes that I couldn't wait to hear showed up, though, for example, the best non-joke joke I've heard in years, as it appears in the top ten minutes of the movie:

[Cecil and Elliot (Showalter) have just discovered that they're both reading the dictionary for fun.]
Elliot: That's quite the coincidence!
Cecil: Very felicitous!
Elliot: A concomitance!
Cecil: Conjuction!
Eliot: Synchronicity!
Cecil: Another big word!

If you did not like that joke, either it needs the delivery or you will not like the movie. That is your call to make, but you are wrong if you don't like the movie.
By the way, Michelle Williams as Cecil Mills? A total treasure.
This movie was fantastically concieved and executed, for people who like this sort of thing (i.e. me).

The problem: even though Wedding Crashers (which I saw last week) came out in July, it still had a good ten people in the theater on it's first Tuesday showing (that's when I go see movies). "The Baxter" was released two weeks ago and I was LITERALLY the ONLY person in the theater. So I cannot say this loudly enough: GO SEE THIS MOVIE OR THEY WILL STOP MAKING FUNNY, OFFBEAT MOVIES.

Plus, you get to hear David Wain say the following at a dinner party: "I hear grizzlies can smell menstral blood from a mile away."
Again: GO SEE THIS MOVIE.

Second Episode Follow Ups:

Kitchen Confidential: As I predicted, funnnier than the pilot. Raised to B-.
Out of Practice: Funnier than the pilot. Channing and Winkler starting to own their roles. Paula Marshall hotter than ever. Solid B.
How I Met Your Mother: In the top three funniest shows on TV. 'Nuff said. Grade of A stands.

---

Returning TV:

The West Wing
I'll say it, if you won't: the cold opener for "The West Wing" was a cheap stunt. It gave away too much even though it didn't give away what everybody wanted to know. I think the show will live to regret it. Man, I hate John Wells.

Numb3rs
I still like to write it with the digit in it's name, 'cause it's retarded, like the movie "se7en". However, unlike "se7en," "Numb3rs" will be completely forgotten about once it's off the air. Also, get this: Sabrina Lloyd (Natalie from "Sports Night" and Wade from "Sliders") left the show. Which is some BULL  ...  SHIT. But what are you going to do? Not get upset about it, I can tell you that. And it looks like the producers are veering away from last seasons "Man, do these guys live like Monks or what?" motif. And Judd Hirsch is starting to look like the crypt keeper.

Law and Order: Criminal Intent
I love Olivia D'Abo as Nicole Wallace and Eames is a fox. And Vincent D'Onofrio is TOTALLY AWESEOME and ANYONE who says OTHERWISE is WRONG.
So I don't know about them splitting time with Chris Noth.
But D'Onofrio's been having problems, so I'd rather that then him, you know, die.Crossing Jordan
Well concluded from last seaon's season finale, but no one will ever buy Jerry O'Connell as a bitter cop. Nope, not gonna happen. The man is wired to play happy go lucky. And everyone may be hot for Jill Hennesey, and I'll admit it, she a fox, but I'm all about Kathryn Hahn as Lilly Lebowski. Boy howdy, am I.

Grey's Anatomy
Good, not great. It's interwoven, the episode this week featured Mike Doughty, it's got a girl who played one of Drew's girlfriends (Sharon, the handy-woman) on the Drew Carey show, and Ellen Pompeo, who I find hot. However, it must be admitted: the show is retarded. Not for the reasons Slate's Medical Examiners panned it for today--which, by the way, they are whiny. There's a reason shows from the 70's with galant doctors were crappy and that's 'cause they had no character growth--but rather because it's so complicatedly structured and about idiots. I will watch it, but we must all be clear about this: it is a soap opera but better lit and better shot and it only comes on once a week. That is all.

The Simpsons, The War at Home, Family Guy, and American Dad (This week)
Reviews as follows: Not funny, Funny, Not as funny as last season--esp. when Stewie punched WIll Farrel--, and the most hilarious show in this block for the third week running, respectively.

---

New TV tomorrow: "Commander in Chief"

We're 3/4 of the way through the new shows! I've reviewed 18 and there are only six left, including:

Freddie (Freddie Prince, Jr!)
Close to Home (Jennifer Finnegan!)
Commander in Chief (Gena Davis!)
Related (Marta Kaufman!)
Hot Properties
Night Stalker

I do not have high hopes for many of those shows. But anyway, here's everything I've watched, so far, from best to worst, with grades for each show and a link to its review:

How I Met Your Mother
Monday, 7,30, CBS
Grade: A.

Threshold
Friday, 8,00, CBS,
Grade: B.
(Follow up on all "Aliens" shows)
(Second Episode Update)

Reuinion
Thursday, Fox, 8,00
Pilot & Second Episode: B. Rest of Show: ?
(Second Episode Update)

Criminal Minds
Wednesday, 8,00, CBS
Grade: B.

Invasion
Wednesday, 9,00, ABC
Grade: B-.

Out of Practice
Monday, 8,30, CBS
Grade: 1/4 D, 3/4 B.
 
Kitchen Confidential
Monday, 7,30, Fox
Grade: C.

Bones
Tuesday, 7,00, Fox
Grade: C.
(Follow up)

Surface
Monday, 7,00, NBC
Grade: C or higher.
(Follow up on all "Aliens!" shows)

E-Ring
Wednesday, 8,00, NBC
Grade: C.

The War at Home
Sunday, 7,30, Fox
Grade: C.

Supernatural
Tuesday, 8,00, WB
Grade: C-.

Everybody Hates Chris
Thursday, 7,00, UPN
Grade: C-.

Twins
Friday, 7,30, WB
Grade: C-.
(Second Episode Update)

Just Legal
Monday, 8,00, Fox
Grade: D.

My Name is Earl
Tuesday, 8,00, NBC
Grade: D.

Inconcievable
Friday, 9,00, NBC
Grade: D.

Ghost Whisperer
Friday, 7,00, CBS
Grade: F.

---

Distribution of grades for new TV:

---

Returning TV worth talking about:
CSI: Miami (Defines the grade of C)
Arrested Development (Too awesome for words)
Medium (Terriffic!)
The Office (This first episode was hilarious!)
Lost (JJ Abrams, Supreme...)
CSI (It's CSI, what did you expect?)
Living with Fran (Yep, still hot for Fran.)
Joey
Sunday also brings us the return of Law and Order: Criminal Intent, The West Wing, Crossing Jordan and Grey's Anatomy.

Twins:
The only weak link this episode was Griffith. The blonde-daughter really came along. And Griffith wasn't so terrible, mostly it was the material she was given, like "Fighting? Boo." Sara Gilbert and Cousin Larry are both pretty great, sure, but how many episodes can focus on whether or not to name a product the "butt pucker." So far the answer is 100% of the episodes. But maybe they put it to rest with this second one. Good enough to raise the grade from a D to a C-, though.

Threshold:
Still good, but a bit less thrilling than the series opener. Enough to keep me coming back for more. But then again, this is a show by nerds, for nerds. Still a B and the second or third best new series of the year, (pariticularly) if you like nerdery.
Slate's Dana Stevens rips into but doesn't quite pan Threshold. I don't think she quite understands the full suspension of disbelief that goes into hard sci-fi watching/reading. Doesn't she see the full three minutes they devoted to "We can't tell anyone 'cause there would be panic in the streets!" was a full two minutes more than most shows would've bothered with? And frankly, those extra two minutes bored me and I thought it was unnessecary, 'cause you know what? You don't have a show worth watching if it's a distributed, realisitic scientific effort. Nope. Sorry. And I don't think there's a way around it.

Returning TV Thursday/Friday Update:

CSI:
The first episode of this season, plugged as being the explosive follow up to / expansion on last season's Quentin Tarrintino-directed finale, dealt with what happened at the end of last season for precisely as long as you saw it deal with said finale in the previews. Yep, about two minutes worth of that. Other than that, it was just another episode of CSI, though an oddly stuctured one. What kind of episode of CSI has a case that doesn't start until 35 minutes in? I call shenanigans.

Living with Fran:
That's right, I watch "Living with Fran." Because if you can get past the voice, she's a total fox. And now that they've added Deb Mazar as a recurring character, how can you lose? Also, Ted Shaunessy (Mr. Sheffield, from "The Nanny") is apparently going to take on a bigger role this season. Whatever. He's no Deb Mazar.

I do not feel I am properly equipped to evaluate "Inconcievable," as I am not between 30 and 40 and am totally lacking in uteruses. So I will say this: Angie Harmon doesn't show up until 53 minutes into the show meaning that the network watched the pilot, thought it was a good idea, but was kind of bored so they decided they ought to add a devil-may-care maverick. Which is a totally reasonable response to the first 53 minutes of this show. This will be the kind of show that will end up being more about the people in the job and how they screw each other over than the job itself. The only reason it's set in a fertility clinic, then, is to suck in the "Awww! It's a baaaaaaaay-beeeeeee!" set and involving child birth is an increadibly easy way to pluck at people's heartstrings. Fucking vultures. I am not a member of said set of people and I don't like to be manipulated by the thought of someone experiencing pregnancy complications. it's just not cool.

The show did remind me that I have decided I want my kids to be named Helen and Toby. Fuck it, they're good names.

Also: Ming-Na's accent was far more disctinct that I ever remember it being. Has it gotten thicker? Did I never notice it when she was on, say, "The Single Guy," or more recently "ER"? Or as the voice of Dr. Aki Ross in that Final Fantasy movie, or as the voice of "Mulan?" (Man, I've watched a lot of crap because Ming-Na was involved.) I can't have not noticed it before, which means it's gotten more pronounced, right? Someone please help.

D.

"The Ghost Whisperer" is every bit as bad as its title suggests. I did cry in the first three minutes, but then I developed an immunity to the one-note sacherrinity of the show.

The premise: Jennifer Love Hewitt (know by something quite different @ Double Viking), like, totally talks to Ghosts and they won't, like, leave her alone, even though she promised her fiance that she would try and give it a rest. He's a paramedic, y'all, and like, he's all wracked with like, guilt or something, 'cause he's trying to keep there from being more dead people to bother his hot wife and all. Which is really sad for him, you know? Except, like, his dead brother gave his hot wife some advice to keep him from quitting his job, and it TOTALLY worked, so maybe this talking to dead people business isn't so terrible after all.

In conclusion: "The Ghost Whisperer" is everything "Medium" is not: banal, self-absorbed, predictable, episodic and actually about literally talking with dead people. Why bother? The only thing remotely good about it is that Hewitt's personal and  intense nievete (that she even cops to) helps anchor her character's childlike nature. But you know what? Screw that. I'd rather watch a good show about paranormal phenomenon, and compared to this even Supernatural is great. "Ghost Whisperer" you've earned a treasured spot: first show to be deprogrammed from the tivo for the season. Well done.

F (yes, it is, indeed, worse than Nash Bridges as a lawyer).

It's not every show on TV that closes with "Rock Music" by the Pixies. But the ones that do go up half a grade. "Criminal Minds" was good, but not terribly much better than any other procedural. However, it is, indeed, much, much darker than your average procedural, and it focuses more on serial murderers than the train of jilted lovers and money-grubbers that cross (any) CSI's screen. I like that it's dark. Some people will not. I like that it closed, at the end, referencing the beginning without at all mentioning that it was referencing the beginning. Way to treat your viewers like smart people (almost makes up for that terribly "Enter Sandman" subplot). Too bad it's up against Lost, so I can't recommend it to those of you that only have the capacity to what one thing at a time. I can, however, recommend it (heartily) over it's other time-slot-mate, E-Ring. B (after Pixies-closing-music-adjustment).

New TV:

Everybody Hates Chris
"Everybody Hates Chris" stars the voice of Chris Rock and covers his youth in Bed-Stuy in Brooklyn., the racial tension, having to take two buses to get beat up at the Italian's "Corleone High School" on Brooklyn Beach. This show is firmly a family comedy; it addresses the edgy subject matter--racial tensions, the way things really are--as his standup material, but in a family-friendly way. It's heartwarming, really. But this is also its biggest drawback. The funniest parts are 100% of the time in the near ubiquitious voiceover, done by the future (current) Chris Rock. Which mostly served to remind me how funny Chris Rock is. But without these, the show isn't terribly good, and with them it mostly makes me want to rent "Bigger and Blacker." I award the voiceover/interaction of the voiceover with the narrative text a B. And the show itself? I'm sorry, critics who love this, it's just that family comedies aren't my speed, even though this one carries sentimentality off without treacle. C-. See Slate's Dana Stevens review Everybody Hates Chris.

Returning TV:

Joey
The best thing I've ever heard said about Matt LeBlanc that still made sense, given what I know about the world, was said by the guy who played Steve in the British version of "Coupling." He said that he really appreciated Matt LeBlanc's work on "Friends" because he managed to be funny even though "his brief, every week, consists almost entirely of being stupid."
The season premire was the best episode of Joey yet, and it's nice because I think this series is slowly rolling back the stupiding that too place over the last six or so seasons of "Friends" where eventually it just got to be, well, retarded.
And I've always loved Andrea Anders, I won't lie. She's all blonde and hot just like I like. That's an excuse/rationalization about why I watch Joey, though, not a reason for you to do so. However, the fact that she may become the heart of the show in this coming season might mean that there might be some, dare I say it, real growth, unlike the faux-growth Joey had with Madchen Amick last season--who is going to now be on "Freddie." She went from being a recurring character on ER (and doing really well at it, I might add) to a four(?) episode arc on Joey and now she's going to the hellhole that's going to be "Freddie?" Man, that's not the career trajectory that I'd want, I can tell you that. I hope she fires her damn agent and gets another meaty role. But whatever.--which might be nice. Or it might be dumb. Never underestimate NBC and a series with Joey in it to screw him out of growth and powerful emotional situations that have developed slowly over time. But that's not what television's about, right?
No, that's exactly what television's about.
And with the introduction of Joey's new friend, we'll probably be seeing less of Jennifer Coolidge (Stiffler's Mom). And anything that means less of Jennifer Coolidge is fine by me.

Second Episode Update:

Reunion
The second episode definately assures us that Reunion will be melodrama, but it has also assured me that it's going to be kind of melodrama I enjoy: loaded with mystery, intrigue and people who hate each other for ancient slights and how horribly they fucked up each other's lives. Ah, delicious. But again, I'm still not convinced they can keep it up. And I still think Chyler Leigh is awesome. My grade of B stands, for now.

As I've eclipsed in the past three days the number of posts held on my main page, here's a roundup of my  new TV coverage, so far, from best to worst, with grades for each show and a link to its review:

How I Met Your Mother
Monday, 7,30, CBS
Grade: A.

Threshold
Friday, 8,00, CBS,
Grade: B.
(Follow up on all "Aliens" shows)

Reuinion
Thursday, Fox, 8,00
Pilot: B. Rest of Show: ?

Invasion
Wednesday, 9,00, ABC
Grade: B-.

Out of Practice
Monday, 8,30, CBS
Grade: 1/4 D, 3/4 B.
 
Kitchen Confidential
Monday, 7,30, Fox
Grade: C.

Bones
Tuesday, 7,00, Fox
Grade: C.
(Follow up)

Surface
Monday, 7,00, NBC
Grade: C or higher.
(Follow up on all "Aliens!" shows)

E-Ring
Wednesday, 8,00, NBC
Grade: C.

The War at Home
Sunday, 7,30, Fox
Grade: C.

Supernatural
Tuesday, 8,00, WB
Grade: C-.

Twins
Friday, 7,30, WB
Grade: D.

My Name is Earl
Tuesday, 8,00, NBC
Grade: D.

Just Legal
Monday, 8,00, Fox
Grade: D.
 
---

Returning TV worth talking about:
CSI: Miami (Defines the grade of C)
Arrested Development (Too awesome for words)
Medium (Terriffic!)
The Office (This first episode was hilarious!)
Lost (JJ Abrams, Supreme...)

---

Emmy News

Directed by Thomas Schlamme of "Sports Night" and "The West Wing" fame, "Invasion" tells the story of a family and the wierd/tragic circumstances that unfold in the wake of a strange hurricaine. In the middle of the hurricaine, the ex-wife/mother goes missing and is found by her new husband (the sheriff) and her old husband, stark naked and not breathing on a pile of debris near where her little girl saw "the lights" during the storm. She is revived but doesn't seem the same. Is she just traumatized? Or is she an alien replicant from beyond the moon?!

Starring William Fichtner (which of his hundred zillion roles to pick to identify him? Hm. How about ... the blind guy from "Contact") and also featuring the impossibly petite girl who played Bonnie last season on Joan of Arcadia, "Invasion" has got all the classics of crappy movies: the stand-up father who just wants to do right by his kids but doesn't get the proper respect 'cause he only sees them three days a week, the son who has got a wierd Oedipal thing going on between his mother and his stepfather, the wise but unknowing child, the hard-ass cop who doesn't really understand what he's getting into, the teenage girl damaged by the death of her mother, the drunk/conspiracy loving brother who no one believes, the achieving semi-heartless wife who is really just trying her best but doesn't know how to make it work.

Far more tightly plotted than "Surface"--and it would have to be, following only one, large family instead of three seperate stories--but without the same slow-burn intensity of the confrontation sequences. It's "gotcha!" moments are huge, though, and well played. It's conspiracy stuff is executed better the same in "Surface"--the doctor that's the wife of the sheriff is the first to go wonky, the priest is the second and the sheriff may be next--and certainly it takes a completely different tack than "Threshold," where the g-men (and "Boobs" Gugino) are the good guys.

B-, despite its flaws.

---

So here it is, the bullet points of these new "Aliens! Or not. You'll find out soon enough (but they're aliens and we all know that, so why are we playing like they're not?)" shows:
1) If you like hard sci-fi--if you don't know the difference between "hard" and "soft" sci-fi, then you like "soft" if you like any sci-fi at all--"Threshold" is your show.
2) If you like soft sci-fi, then you should watch "Invasion."
3) If you like consipiracy theories, then watch "Invasion."
4) If you believe the government and nerdy-ass science are the answer--as well as a (much smaller) part of the problem--then "Threshold" is your show.
5) If you like slow-burn, thriller-like intensity, watch "Surface."
6) If you really, really like hot oceanographers, watch "Surface."
7) If you like really, really hot Disaster Preparedness Experts, watch "Threshold."

"E-Ring" totally wore me out. It's a good series in the sense that it does what good series do: it makes me care about something I didn't particularly think I would care about. And care about it a lot. Like "Red Eye" the taughtness of it snuck up on me, until I was almost balled in my chair, worried half to death that the mission wouldn't come off. Bejamin Brat and Dennis Hopper star, but the show's not about them. It's about pulling off cool, important missions that make the world a better place, at least for us. And though I've gotten enough of this, the show is terrily well assembled--it's more tightly edited than anything I've seen on TV since the first season of "Alias," but certainly not half as fanciful. It doesn't seem like they put too terribly many pieces in place for a lot of arc through-story, but the preview for next week's episode looked like was going to do (overly) much of that. I came in thinking the show would get a D, but it really earned it's C.

All I will say about the return of "Lost" is that within the first five minutes, executive producer JJ Abrams earns the following appellation: "Supreme Master of the Total Mindfuck."

Returning TV:

The Office:
The best "The Office" episode, whether British or American, that I've ever seen. While Steve Carrell continues to take the boss from "bumbling but well meaning and self-absorbed idiot" into "complete and unselfconscious asshole" territory. However, though less nuanced than than any of the British version I've seen (only the first series, I must admit) it was far straight-up FUNNIER. Man. Very funny. Not coincidentally, this is the first episode of the American version that didn't follow (or closely mirror) a plot from the British version episodes that I've seen. Certainly funnier than "My Name is Earl" was. I don't know if it was better than "Kitchen Confidential" or "How I Met Your Mother," but I do know it didn't have to put all its pieces in place this week, so it could be funnier than they were.

Medium:
Also terrific. The season opener was somewhat of a cop out from last season's cliff hanger, but it made up for it in the way it carried through on the premise it set up. To echo Slate's Dana Stevens, who wrote about it last year, Medium doesn't succeed because it's a drama about a psychic, it succeeds because it's a family drama that happens to have a psychic at it's center. This prevents it from becoming overwhelmingly episodic and gives it a through-shape in the tradition of the best of family dramas. Excellent work.
Also, "Medium" totally should have won "Best New Title Sequence" at the Emmy's, 'cause it's really good.

First Season TV:

Bones:
Good second episode, carries through on the promise of the first. Boreanez was a little less robotic and the sexual tension I mentioned in my previous write-up was explicitly discussed this week, which kept the strangeness-factor of it down. My grade of (a gentleman's) C still stands.

---
Revisit the first set of reviews to read about more shows (including the original review of "Bones") and read a word about my grading policies. In light of more time/thought, I have also revised the grade of "My Name is Earl" downward to a "D."

To be reviewed tonight: "Invasion," "E-Ring" and the return of "Lost."

Tuesday matinee review time!

"Wedding Crashers" was good. A bit long. Well, the back third  of the movie should have been more like the back quarter, but this also kept it from taking on traditional romantic-comedy shape. That and plot is not traditional material. Ebert gave it thumbs down because Christopher Walken didn't act Christopher-Walken enough and the cursing grandma wasn't funny. Normally, I at least generally agree with Ebert (and more usually, Roeper, who loved this movie. He's not crappy, people, he's the movie reviewer of the future, so suck it up and get over it. There, I said it.) but you know what, Roger? I liked that Chris Walken wasn't Chris Walkenish. It would've ruined the movie. And it actually showed that Chris Walken can act, not just play Chris Walken, which we haven't seen in the movies for a while.

I've gone from being excited about "My Name is Earl" to being disheartened after learning the show's premise to being excited about seeing Jason Lee again, then scared about the promotional weight that NBC was putting behind it--usually the marketing blitz is a little more subtle for an offbeat show that's good--then very scared once I started seeing clips.

However, it was not crappy. Ethan Suplee didn't play Ethan Suplee and actually was quite good. The setup was more nuanced than it was made out to be and, really, it had it's funny moments (such as that Earl believes that the notion of Karma was invented by Carson Daily) but with it's "a different bad deed to be fixed every week!" premise it makes me think the show's going to be highly episodic, where I prefer shows that maintain at least an overarching plot from week to week. I mean, I was standing at Best Buy choosing between "Felicity" and "Tru Calling" and I picked the one with the through-story (a little too much through-story, it might turn out, but still).

I award the show a D. Not as good as "Out of Practice" or "Kitchen Confidential" from yesterday, and almost not worth watching, even in this sitcom starved world. Perhaps a good match for it's follow-up, the Office.

---

Stay tuned for tomorrow when we find out if "Supernatural," "Bones," and "The Office" have any staying power whatsoever. And tomorrow night goes nuclear with "Lost," "Invasion," and "E-Ring." That's some heavy shit. And I'll try to wade through it all, because, baby, this is all for you.

New:

"Surface"
Basic premise: It came from beneath the sea! "Surface" was definately not as good as "Threshold," but might have the potential to be better. The first half hour was pretty good, but the last half hour was stultifying. The upcoming scenes looked pretty good and the twist in the last five minutes--"Or do they come from above the sky!"--was nice, but it felt like cheating after all of the time they spent in the ocean. That said, I am curious to see how it will all turn out. It's much prettier looking than "Threshold," sure, but it doesn't have "Boobs" Gugino and Cmdr Data.
Verdict: C, with a possible future upward revision, to match Threshold's possible future downward revision...

Returning:
"Arrested Development"
If you're not already watching this show, there's something wrong with you. Seriously. It's that good. Christina even likes it, and she doesn't like comedies. So take that. The things is, though, in addition to the the balls-to-the-wall wackiness that I love so well, it's also able to also be bone-crushingly sad. And inappropriate at the same time. I feel so bad for George Micheal and Maybe, but, then again, I've never opposed cousin-marriage (with the requisite genetic counseling). There, I said it.

"CSI: Miami"
Much more of a straightup detective show than either it's progenitor (CSI) or it's progeny (CSI: NY), it doesn't nerd-up and bust out the science like original CSI and it's not as hard-boiled and gray-looking as CSI: NY, although, according to the commercials and the stuff I've read, they've apparently retooled NY to remove this. Damn them! Biggest question raised by the season opener: Is Horatio a rapist? That would be intense and make David Caruso's character not a just a weight around the neck of the show, like Sofia Milos and Adam Rodriguez. Basically Emily "Ainslee 'Calleigh Duquesne' Haines" Proctor is the best reason to watch this show.

"Medium"
I'll be straight up with you: I haven't watched the "Medium" season premiere yet. I'm sorry, but props to P.Arquette coming up big from being the underdog and walking away with the hardware at this year's Emmy's. Way to go.

---
Other Emmy News:
Scrubs won the Creative Arts Emmy for multicamera editing. For the 15 minutes of ONE EPISODE last season that they used multiple cameras. That should tell you how sad all multicamera comedies are compared to the single cam shows (Scrubs and Arrested Development).

Also: I love Felicity Huffman and I love that she credited Aaron Sorkin in her acceptance speech and also that cute story about her and Bill Macy, alright, but Patty Heaton deserved to win. She's been the funniest woman on Television for a big chunk of the past nine years and even though she was on "...Raymond" she deserved it. That is all.

Would anyone who's not just randomly trying on new shows watch this program?

Though that question is rhetorical, I'll answer it anyway: No.

Don "Nash 'Miami Vice' Bridges" Johnson as an aging drunk attourney paired with an 18 year old (who looks to be actually 18 and not TV 18) go-getter fresh out of law school?

Not terribly believable.

That they both learn something from each other?

Unthinkable!

Other than the fact that the concept is insane, the show isn't half bad. Or rather, it's only half-bad. And half-baked. But it seems the bad half and poorly baked half mostly overlap, leaving an unspoiled, fully baked half. (Oh, goodness. Too much television watched today. Metaphors extending to retarded lengths...)

Anyway, to sum up, math:

(Don Johnson / Playing a drunk) x (Fresh faced kid - who has no name) / They're lawyers? ^ And you're telling me they're going to learn something from each other in the time-honored tradition of crappy TV? = D+.

(It's really the final exponent that lands their grade far down in the alphabet.)

Stay tuned tomorrow for when I hit up the last new show from Monday night (Surface!) as well as the one new show starting this Tuesday (My Name is Earl) and bring your season kick-off recaps of "Medium," "CSI: Miami," "Arrested Development," and "The Office."

"Out of Practice" started slow. There was a non-Mahler Mahler joke in the first five minutes and I was  convinced that Stockard Channing would turn out to have no comedic timing.

And she didn't really, but rest of the cast (save the only-adequate Fonzie) pulled up the average to "quite funny."

It's from the producers of Frasier, incl. Christopher Lloyd, and it's got their fingerprints all over it; the funniest moments were the farcical, as with Frasier, before it's implosion. The series is about a family of doctors--the doctors Barnes--and their interrelationships as a fractured family. Paula Marshall was terrific and should be tremendous in her irreverent-yet-sensitive role (think Roz Doyle) compared to the brash-and-overbearing Channing or the timid Winkler, who haven't quite made their roles fit them yet. Jennifer Tilly was great as the ditz, but we'd need to be concerned if she wasn't. The two brothers were also pretty good, especially the one that got to deliver the best line of the night--across all shows--"It's like I'm some sort of dyke-sniffing truffle-hog."

Dyke-sniffing truffle-hog!
Oh, you, Christopher Lloyd...

First five minutes: D. Last twenty five minutes: B.

"Kitchen Confidential" was better than it was funny. That is to say, not terribly funny when it wasn't actively making jokes but was well constructed and has the potential to be excellent. With a whole, huge crew comprised almost entirely out of people about which I said "Hey! I've seen that actor before!"--such as Bradly "Will Tippen!" Cooper, The Chief of Staff from Dave, Xander Harris, Sharona from Monk, Mizzzzz Parker from Pertender, Goldy/Wendy from "Sin City," that guy from "Freaks and Geeks," Mona from the eighth season of Friends, John Cho ("Harold"), and directed by Fred Savage--which certainly helps. As a pilot it was more about setting up than getting anywhere, but it was still pretty good. I don't know how good a match it is with it's lead in "Arrested Development"--it doesn't share the same manic, balls-to-the-wall wackiness, but I'm not sure I want it to. Again, good, not yet great. But please watch so it doesn't get cancled. C.

Next up: The Fonz, Paula Marshall and Rizzo/Dr. Bartlett are all doctors. Let's see how that goes...

"How I Met Your Mother" was awesome.

It was the first wall-to-wall, gutbustingly hilarious new pilot I've seen in years. The closest recent contender was last year's midseason "Committed" which couldn't keep it's screwball energy straight (and it's increadibly out of sequence airing schedule didn't help either. But fortunately for us all, HIMYM is on CBS where Committed was on NBC). You know I've been waiting for this, and it was still very funny despite that I'd already seen half the punchlines in commercials. Should be better in future weeks when I've seen 0-5% of the punchlines before the actual show.

HIMYM stars some guy as Ted--voiced from 2030 by Bob Sagat--and's also got Alyson Hannigan (of "Buffy" and the American Pie trilogy fame) as well as Neal Patrick Harris (NPH) of "Doogie Howser" and "Harold and Kumar Go To WhiteCastle." His character here, Barney, is almost equal self-absorbed and assholeish as his role as Neal Patrick Harris in "Harold and Kumar..." was. Also hilarious were his constant exhortations for Ted to "suit up!"

Also of note: Lily--Alyson Hannigan--delivering the line: "Oh, how sweet. So what you're saying is, you chickened out like a little bitch?", the debunking of olive-theory, "This is totally going in my blog!", their cab-driver, a blue french-horn as Smurf penis and a twist ending. Yeah, I know, a twist ending in a comedy!

Rock on, "How I Met Your Mother," I proudly award you the grade of A.

Alright, folks, this is zero hour: in a little under two hours the new fall season starts here in the central time zone. It's game time, and I'm ready. There will be more premieres (season and series) tonight than on any other night, so let's get ready to ride, people. I'm gonna kick some ass and take some names--probably that of "Surface" to name one--and by this time tomorrow I hope to have decanted, for all of you, the full splendor/horror of season-start Monday. Updates to follow.

//

Also, as promised, a list of returning shows that you should make sure you watch this year:
Arrested Development (Fox, Monday)
Medium (NBC, Monday)
Gilmore Girls (WB, Tuesday)
The Office (NBC, Tuesday)
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, Tuesday)
That 70's Show (Fox, Wednesday--starting Nov. 2nd)
Lost (ABC, Wednesday)
Alias (ABC, Thursday)
CSI (CBS, Thursday)
The West Wing (NBC, Sunday)
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC, Sunday)
Crossing Jordan (NBC, Sunday)
Grey's Anatomy (ABC, Sunday)
The Simpsons (Fox, Sunday)
Family Guy (Fox, Sunday)
American Dad (Fox, Sunday)

Reviews of new TV (based on their pilots/first episodes only):

Threshold: Interesting, though if this is by far the best of the fall's 'alien invasion' shows (as TV Guide said), then a lot of networks wasted a lot of money. It's premise is more complicated and interesting than the alien smash-and-grab that things like "War of the Worlds" have taught us to expect. Definately science-fiction in a wierd way. And it's got Commander Data as a bitter pathologist with three ex-wives and Carla Gugino (who you may remember from being hot in Sin City). B.

Twins: Sara Gilbert is wasted on this show which also stars a wierdly angular Melanie Griffith and Cousin Larry from "Perfect Strangers." No, he's apparently not dead. Yeah, I just kind of figured he would be. But no, and actually working. Anyway: the show would be okay if you replaced Griffith and the woman who plays Sara's sister and the rest of the supporting cast (save Cousin Larry, of course) and made the show about something completely different. D.

Bones: Emily Deschanel (Zooey's older sister) and David Boreanez star in this series where they solve crimes. With forensics, bitch! Nobody's ever done that before! Well, actually, not quite in this way, as she's a forensic anthropologist (hence the appelation "Bones"). Might be alright if the two of them had any heat. As is, Boreanez (Angel,from "Angel" and "Buffy"), an ex-sniper trying to attone for killing a bunch of people (sound at all familiar?), comes of creepy when I think he's supposed to be hitting on Bones. Or he's playing it creepy, in which case, man, this show is good. If not though: eh. C.

Supernatural: Jared Padaleki (Dean from "Gilmore Girls") plays Sam and another guy plays Dean, two brothers following after their ex-marine father's footsteps in fighting evil that's ... wait for it ... supernatural! At the end of the pilot, the same thing happens to Sam's girlfriend as happened to his mom! Oh shit! What's going on here! Scary, if you're 12. C-.

The War at Home: New Sunday comedy on Fox. Stars Michael Rappaport, self-proclaimedly as an Archie Bunker type. But he's liberal and he knows he's being hypocritical, so... yeah. Not Archie Bunker. And also not not funny. Made me laugh more than last week's "Family Guy"--admittedly, an off episode for them, but hey, a win's a win. The not-gay-but-parents-think-he-might-be-gay son should be axed--they tried too hard to show that he's not ... but his friend is! Boo. The wife is pretty funny though. C.

Reunion: You've seen what I had to say about this, and I'll say, my whole project is kind of bunk, 'cause how can you judge a show by it's pilot? Fox preempted the second episode from this last Thursday for a "Presidential Address." So episode 2 (1987) is coming around this thursday. Pilot: B. Rest of series: ?

A Word about Grading:
A/A-:
(Drama) Awesome. Future classic? (Shows of the caliber of Lost)
(Comedy) This grade will probably not come up for new comedies. (Shows of the caliber of Scrubs)

B/B-:
(Drama) Watchable. (Shows of the caliber of Medium)
(Comedy) Definately required viewing if it's a comedy in this year's wasteland of primetime humor. (That 70's Show)

C/C-:
(Drama) If you're bored, go for it. (CSI: Miami)
(Comedy) Please watch it anyway so it doesn't get cancled before it's got a chance to find itself. (The Office (American Version))

D/D-:
(Drama) Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. (Early Edition)
(Comedy)  Why is this show on, yet Arrested Development is on the bubble? (Reba)

F:
Why are you watching UPN?

Because I been busting my ass all day writing (well, rewriting and editing) I'm too tired to make an actual post. So, instead, I present the lyrics to Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart:

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

I need font help. I've decided to replace Times New Roman in my upcoming application materials--it's a nice font and all, don't get me wrong, it just doesn't have a single ounce of character any more.

So, below is a sample of Times and five other fonts for your consideration. It's a thumbnail, click it for the full size version in all it's fonty goodness. Please leave your selection in the comments and remember, my future may depend on your choice.

//

Coming to Tucson 6th Oct and staying through the 11th. Flying Frontier Airlines... the airline of Alaska! They apparently have directtv on their planes. For 5$.

I will be drinking and generally hanging out and hitting people up for letters of recommendation.

//

Anybody want to read a story or three? Andy, Matt, Kathleen, Susan, Justin, Christina, Chris, Noah, Lars, the Pope?

Please? I need oh so much help before the month is out.

//

The afternoon matinee: staple of the elderly and unemployed.

Went to see "Red Eye." Not a scare flick--more of a thriller. A dumber Hitchcock but with a modern pace. It's all packed into 85 minutes. It's the kind of scary that sneeks up on you, so at some point you find yourself clutching your popcorn going "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit..." And it knows that you're going to know the plot going in, so it doesn't dick around setting things up, it just gets right to it. And Rachel McAdams (The Notebook) is cute, and Cillian Murphy (Batman Begins) is creepy, so... well cast, Wes Craven! Definately recommended.

That is all for now.

//

To come, soon: reviews of "Bones," "Prison Break," and "Supernatural" as well as a list of shows returning this fall that you shouldn't miss.

//

Alright, because I'm a little drunk (I mostly finished a story yesterday--or was it day before?--that's a reference to "The Stranger" and also a reference to that I don't know if it was yesterday of the day before--and am still in the process of celebrating--it needs one more round of editing before you all can see it, but I've only got three weeks to shape it up before I need to send it out, so you all are going to have to be quick with the criticism--I'm looking you, Christina--so I've had a little do drink. Side note: (this is all a side note, isn't it?) Absolute Mandarin + Sprite + Ice = delicious.) these are mostly going to be one sentence links. Enjoy!

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Think Progress and Talking Points Memo give helpful Katrina timelines.

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The U.S. has revised it's nuke-use manual (again).

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Seinfeld in advertising.

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Topher Grace to play ... Venom?

The thing you gotta understand, in the comics, Venom was a fucking hulking ex-Marine. To say that Topher will have to 'bulk up' to play the role as well all envision it is ein hilarious understatement.

//

Kate Cruise? America's sweetheart really is gone forever, isn't she?

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Buy a fancy European Stoller... [Gizmodo, which is the wierdest part.]

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The story of the man who hit no whammies.

"Press Your Luck," a brilliant man and his ultimately tragic tale. Who could ask for more?

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Dirigible of War!

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A picture of the comic book Venom:

Lets be honest with each other, there will be casualities this Fall TV season. Some of our favorite shows, new and old, just aren't going to make it. So, before the new season starts, I would like it if we could all take a moment and bow our heads and pray to the greatest of all TV shows that have been cut down before their prime, Sports Night.

Oh, Sports Night, we know that you provided valuable exposure to many actors, like Peter Krause, Joshua Malina, Felicity Huffman and that girl who played Natalie. Some of them have gone on to better shows (Krause, Malina) and some have not (*cough*Numb3rs*cough*). Without you, we may not have gotten to enjoy these actors in other fine parts. So for that, we are thankful.

And, dear Sports Night, help us to see that all great shows go on to play on the big TV station in the sky, whether we realize it now or not.

And let us not mourn your fallen brothers from last season--most notably the noble Joan of Arcadia, whose continual sanctimony in the second half of it's sophomore season doomed it, though it looked like it would've had a good third year--but rather celebrate the time we shared with them.

But, still, we call upon you and other great shows past, like your nerdy brother Freaks and Geeks and your gleefully retarded cousin, Futurama to help secure our current favorites like Scrubs and Arrested Development another full season order.

And those shows which have grown long in the tooth, may you take gently, like Everybody Loves Raymond and not allow them to live on in travesty of their former glory, like M*A*S*H or The West Wing.

Grant us the strength, oh Sports Night, to let go of shows that are truly terrible but for some reason we watch, like Joey or Desperate Housewives. Grant us also the wisdom to understand why Saturday Night Live soldiers on, though the once-contemptable Amy Poheler was the funniest thing on the show last season, but Scrubs is being held as a midseason replacement.

And finally, any shows which are taken from us, let them be taken with no unaired episodes in the can.

In the name of the DVD-box-set, the broadcast network and syndication we come to you praying as we have been taught:
I'm Dan Rydel, here along side Casey McCall, those stories plus...

-----
P.S. This is either satire or I take television way too seriously. I'm not sure I know which.

Dear Lost, Desperate Housewives and The O.C.,

Thank you for making long-term story driven television popular again. I write you because I've just watched the first episode of Fox's "Reunion," which was a hell of a ride. Basically composed of two love-triangles held together by the friendship of Samantha (the beautiful Alexa Davalos) and Carla (the couldn't-be-more-terriffic-an-actress-but-really-couldn't-have-a-wierder-name Chyler Leigh), it's about six friend who ... have a lot of secrets together/from each other. The show opens at the 2006 funeral of one of the friends, and regresses back, in each episode, to the salient events of a previous year--this first episode was 1986, next week's will be 1987 and so on (as near as I know). I don't know if they can keep it up, but this first episode was pretty metal. I might post a more in-depth review after everyone who's going to see the premire has, as Fox is rebroadcasting the premire (1986) tonight (Friday) @ 7,00 so catch it if you can. If it's not your thing, oh well, but if it is, it's the kind of thing you'll want to have been on board for from the beginning.
Sincerely,
Me

//

Since Lars apparently isn't going to do it, I'll link to this: slide.mov. It's a music video that looks an awful lot like a recent commercial. but much longer and much, much wierder. Much wierder. The (Japanese?) song is also pretty good.

//

I'm not hot for Paula Marshall just because she plays a lesbian in the upcoming comedy "Out of Practice." I am just extra hot for her because of said reason.

//

Power your cell phone with one AA battery.

[via Gizmodo]

//

Havoc, starring Anne Hathway and Bijou Phillips has been moved to straight-to-video. That's too bad, I watched the trailer and it looked pretty good. And not just 'cause Anne Hathaway may or may not be naked in it.

[via Double Viking]

//

New TV shows added to list between last version and new (final) version.

Prison Break (Monday)
Supernatural (Tuesday)
and Threshold (Friday)

//

This keyboard looks pretty darn tooting unessecary. Also, cool.

//

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Can we all agree that Anne Hathaway is a total babe?

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Toothpaste for Dinner effectively skwerers me and my ilk.

Also, the color beige.

Also, I would be one of these.

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I have been dreaming of something similar to this for five years. I almost built a computer into my coffee-table I want it so much. And now it is real. (Or will be soon...)

//

Apple releases iTunes phone--from Motorola and carried by Cingular--as well as iTunes 5 and the iPod nano.

I want to have sex with an iPod nano it is so hot. Thinner than a goddamn pencil! Will wonders never cease?

//

Oil companies intentionally limiting refining capacity to drive up prices? The hell you say!

Not that I fault them, business is business and until the market learns how to reduce/alter its gasoline consumption patterns, there's not a shitload shy of socialism we can do about it. Not that I'm terribly opposed to socialism, w/r/t economics, at least, but with the free market-ideal as strong as it is now--can you imagine somebody doing like Nixon did and capping wages today? They'd be stoned to death by the end of the business day--there's little chance of igniting real change.

//

There's a lot of blame to go around, and frankly, I'm sick of talking about it. Not that I don't think it should be dealt with, but let me take a single deep breath before we launch into it, a'ight? But this was the first--and still best--article I've seen on it. It doesn't overreach like some, I don't think, and it's tremendously well titled. It's Slate's Department of Homeland Screw-Up.

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Anderson Cooper, sick of dealing with bullshit, breaks down on air. Good for him.

//

Transcription of Kanye West's comments.

//

One last, damning Katrina-item: FAA disputes that shots were fired at rescue choppers.

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Nova's been running an excellent four part series on how life got to / flourished on Earth. Recent science helps provides new evidence their liberal-elite propaganda is correct!

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Look, we need to have a talk about the fall season. Yeah, it's starting soon. And I'm going to watching most of it. For you, this is all for you. I'm going to watch things that are bound to be horrible like "Freddie" so you don't have to. Isn't that sweet of me? And I'll report back here about just how horrible or unhorrible they were. A list of the new show's I'll be reporting on, for at least their first week:

Monday:
Surface
How I Met Your Mother
Kitchen Confidential
Just Legal
Out of Practice

Tuesday:
Bones
My Name is Earl
Commander in Chief
Close to Home

Wednesday:
Freddie
E-Ring
Related
Invasion

Thursday:
Reunion
Night Stalker

Friday:
Ghost Whisperer (which WILL be oh-so-bad)
Twins
Hot Properties
Inconceivable

Sunday:
The War at Home

You are welcome. Check out epguides.com's terrific grid of the fall schedule and when everything on it premiers.

//

Nothing can express the lust I feel for Paula Marshall like these grainy screencaps. And these, too, for good measure.

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larsitron: The next three years are going to be awful.

italisizy: Remember Lars, they're lifetime appointments.
italisizy: The next thirty years are going to be awful.
italisizy: Give the man his due.

larsitron: Right, that's fair.

italisizy: But also think of it this way, Reinquist, who didn't want Bush to replace him, waited to die until Bush was approching the nadir of his political capital, which was kind of him.

larsitron: Right. I think people in Congress are waking up to the fact that they've got no coat tails the next time 'round.

italisizy: I hope so. But Senate races are the only ones that really matter at this point. With 94% or whatever of incumbents winning back their seats in the House, it will be 3 or 4 cycles before we're even competitive in there again.
italisizy: And with only a third of the Senate up, and, as I recall hearing, more Democrats up than Republicans in the Senate, we're facing an uphill batter. Also, we're up against history, as the president's party tends to pick up seats in midterms.
italisizy: I just pooped on my own parade.

larsitron: Yeah, except in '94.

italisizy: But that was with a relatively popular president. With the President screwing up, it gives the Republicans something to run against on their right, making them look more moderate.
italisizy: This pushes the perception of them toward the middle as they distance themselves from him.
italisizy: And I just kept pooping.

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Blogenlust shares: Condi Shops while Nah'lins Drowns

Also, in this post, Blogenlust links to an article in the Village Voice concerning the fact that 35% of Louisianna's and 45% of Missippi's National Guard units are ... wait for it ... IN IRAQ.

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A musical-shout-out to Jimmy Eat World. Futures was their best effort yet and it's sublime.

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Weep not for CBGB, weep for what it used to be.

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Rummy on Letterman next Tuesday. I'm sure this will be precisely as toothless as Santorum on The Daily Show, so don't get excited.

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